I look for love where there is hate I look for friends in those that are fake I look for courage to change my own fate I look for resolution where there is debate I am only human, so my future is at stake But the present is where i am placed, so there.. There i am, with no haste
I Just Finished Listening To “The Alchemist” On Audio Book. - I Never Even Finished Reading It, It Made Me Feel & Think So Differently About Things. I Still Feel Like Reading A Book To Yourself Keeps The “Magic” Of It Alive But.. Hearing It This Time Around & Ending It - Made Me Feel A Lot More Secure About What i Believed In Prior To It.
i don’t blog much anymore, i used to have 2-4 new post every 3 or so days .
Things have changed, I changed .
I finally decided that the therapy during my long vacation during the summer wasn’t enough .
I realized that not everything is set in stone .
I understand why the decisions made so long ago, affect me now .
I grew as a person, and as an intellectual - in the sense that ive finally learned to live with the hand ive been dealt .
I, as I am writing this - just noticed that my whole blog; from the beggining to now .
WAS TO YOU .
See, everything from then to this post was to you sweetheart.. Every letter of every post, every picture, of every flower, volcano top, cloud, sunset - were all the things that kept my mind off of YOU. I realized there’s beauty other places in the world, and yeah i’ll be honest and admit that none can compare to the smile you carry with you everyday but.. That’s besides the point . My blog, was the culmination of the most amazing rollercoaster of my life, and i’m grateful to say that it was spent.. Well, with you in mind. Amazing people, do amazing things, — some saw a cloud & because of what we spoke of once.. i was inspired for some odd reason .
You saw me, and you didn’t see what i portrayed myself to be.. And maybe that’s why it happend, i won’t ever admit it but hopefully you can understand the subliminal i’m putting out there to the world. I just want to thank you & apologize for the times i couldn’t understand your position.
Things have changed, I changed — And that right there, couldn’t be any truer .
I’m happy now that ive let the memories pass, as only memories now — yeah it bothers me still but i don’t let it get to me. I hope that one day you decide to plug in my tumblr link and read this from beggining to end and attempt to comprehend what this hundreds of little letters mean . But that’s just me hoping, You always told me i deserved better — that I deserved someone who was able to fulfill what little i asked for - someone fitting for the position of.. A teacher, the funny thing is that - thats exactly what you were; a Teacher .
You taught me well, and for that.. I’m forever grateful, i just hope you really understand everything here in these metaphorical scriptures i’m laying out to the world . This isn’t a prayer, or a letter, or some sort of oddball way of getting you back. This is just a wake up call for myself, not for you — you’ve been doing fine regardless .
oh and one last thing .
i’ll, always love you.
& the angels said..
Being honest, This gave me hope..
Something i lost a long time ago ironically.
i.e In my backyard, over my fence on an extremly cloudy day..
From my world to yours..
" You gotta own it if you want it..
Kisses all on the body, she tell’s me “Live in the moment”
And baby, i’ll
never forget none of that
Girl, I TOLD YOU I WAS COMING BACK “
You are my
It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else.
“Zahir”.. might be my first tattoo for the record .
How i feel..
Therefor release me now before troubling yourself any further,
let go your hand from my shoulders,
put me down and depart your way.
Walt Whitman Leaves Of Grass
See, i do and i dont feel this way.. i want it stil’, i want this dream — but the thought of continuing on in sucha manner is hard.
Understand me when it seem’s i don’t care.. that’s when i care the most, my stupid pride as a man just hides it…
Yes.. it’s real
How i spend my family orientated weekends..
Gotta’ love how my dad is in the city everday maan <3
Somethings you can’t just forget
Ive began to notice a lot now that it seems i’m on my own.. Oddly i feel like my minds depleted, but grown. I see things differently, but stil’ feel the same - i stress it stil’.. But i don’t strain my brain. I hold my head up happy, and high - stil’ i continuously &’ subliminally ask.. Why? With my hopes strong enough to be called a prayer, i stil’ linger in my feelings like a mad man in his lair. I stil’ feel the heat of her hands on my shoulders, the weight so crushing now… I’m carrying boulders. But i only grow bolder, never colder - i stil’ never got to show her for myself, how i felt.. I still think back on those days, were we’d metaphorically laugh&play - i’d give up my wellbeing.. To get back there for just one day. But one day was all it took.. It started with an insult…. Now look? Theres truly just somethings you can’t forget, and i want this said loud and clear - THERES NO REGRET.